Jill Egizii Jan 25, 2012

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Too Much Discussion To Be Unaware

Never, never, never give up!

On Jill Egizii's Parental Alienation Radio podcast this month the question was asked, "What is it that causes a parent to alienate a child with all of the information out there about how damaging it is to children?" Toronto divorced dad and lawyer, Brian Ludmer, says adults who align children against their own family are driven by different things. When you go to court, try to find out what is making your co-parent want to align your children. Whatever the cause, they are being driven by forces that are probably not amenable to moral persuasion or education. There is so much material out there in every country around the world, that it is getting tougher and tougher for anyone to say they were unaware - but that doesn't mean they will stop. They really only understand the use of power.

Here are Brian's five possible motivators for alienators. They're afraid of sharing the children. Maybe they're just out and out angry. Maybe they want child support and a preponderance of parenting time. Maybe they get married and give the kids to the new step-parent. They probably view the targeted parent as a danger to them and they are unable to see the children as anything but an extension of themselves, therefore the targeted parent must be a danger to their children. They have a poor view of the targeted parent and are protecting their children. They often have their own reality, that we can't reach.

Brian gave incredible advice about parental alienation. If you are a targeted parent, you will find hope and legal advice by listening to the radio show linked at the bottom of this post. Here are my three favorite tidbits. There are 5-10 major developmental tasks of a child that are not happening in this state of parental alienation. If there was bonding between 3-7 years, then there still is bonding, but they're confused, and trapped. You can still reach them. They're conflicted, and not acting rationally, but the love is not gone. These children are being ripped apart and do not have a healthy future.

Professor Ed Kruk of the University of British Columbia has found the minimum parenting time required to prevent marginalization to be forty percent! These are lifetime memories that the alienating parent is conspiring to take away from their child.

The best thing you can do is reconnect with your children. The worst thing that can happen is you never try.

www.blogtalkradio.com

Last year 22 nations participated in the 6th Annual International Parental Alienation & Bubbles of Love Day. Only 89 days left till the 7th Annual International Parental Alienation Event.

It's A Sham

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Forget Family Court, If You Can

Dads can't fly & Family Law can't be reformed.  

Here's a novel idea. Is B.C.'s new Family Law Act a sham? Haven't we been trying to reform Canadian family law since 1998 now? In both Canada and the U.S. we have seen powerful forces come out to fight against family law reform.

In the U.S., the bar associations of all 50 states have lobbied against family law reform because it will decrease lawyer's pay cheques - possibly considerable. In Canada, B.C. is the only province to even talk about the problem, but passes a law that changes nothing. There are no parent coordinators yet, and most Canadians have never heard the term. Many laws surrounding family law, like the School Act have changed, but even though everyone is talking about education, no one is talking about how schools characterize and exclude parents. I tried to learn more about Parent Coordinators for this article, and this was the response:

Thank you for your interest in the BC Parenting Coordinators Roster Society. A member of the Board of Directors will respond to your question or concern within 5 business days. - BC PARENTING COORDINATOR ROSTER SOCIETY www.bcparentingcoordinators.com

Mr. Pedersen, Both parties are required to sign a contract of engagement for a Parenting Coordinator. You will be able to find a Parenting Coordinator who is accepting cases now. The Contract will require both parties to provide retainers generally of $4000 each. Robert Colby R. Psych

Do feminists fight against family law reform? Well, in the U.S. the National Organization of Women(NOW) for years argued that parental alienation was junk science, and something men created to get out of paying child support. But recently, with women being the targets of parental alienation in almost half the cases, some women's groups have joined with men's groups to fight against this huge problem. Under harsh criticism for denigrating boys, women's groups have also joined with men's groups to protect boys from the stereotype of violent brutish men. While the family court system in general is biased against fathers, there are fathers who have learned how to work the system against mothers, and use it to their unjust advantage. When this occurs, men's groups are on the side of the mother whose loving bonds with her children are being endangered. Finally, many individual women have realized that children really do need their fathers for healthy development and are starting to avoid the corrupt family court all together, where we all expect children will be harmed greatly for some years to come yet.

Having lawyers who know how to heal children from parental alienation but refuse to do it because it might mean the end of courthouses, is like having doctors who know how to heal children from cancer but refuse to do so, because it might mean the end of hospitals. Does that sound like a sham to you?

Last year 22 nations participated in the 6th Annual International Parental Alienation & Bubbles of Love Day. Only 89 days left till the 7th Annual International Parental Alienation Awareness Day.

Au Canada Nous Sommes Tous Cœur De Bois * In Canada We Are All Métis

Une Histoire de Kidnapping Accidentel * The Accidental Kidnapping

Il est impossible de dire qui est métis, à moins que vous arrivés de France aujourd'hui. Beaucoup, et l'on dit, tous les Canadiens ont un peu de sang autochtone en eux. Le Canada a été jeune et nos registres sont incomplets.

Le district scolaire d'Abbotsford gagne de l'argent supplémentaire par le gouvernement provincial pour aider les étudiants des Premières Nations. Par conséquent, les enseignants sont désireux de trouver des étudiants des Premières nations. Soudain, les enfants du divorce sont sortis de l'école pour les anciens des Premières Nations, même si leur vrai père habite juste à côté. Les anciens des Premières Nations enseignent à l'enfant pecher, mais le vrai père n'autorise pas à enseigner à son propre enfant.

Comme société, nous avons construit des barrières insurmontables qui empêchent les pères de s'impliquer dans la vie de leurs enfants et leurs familles.
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(and again in English)

It is impossible to tell which Canadians are Metis, unless you just arrived from France today. Many, and some say, all Canadians have some aboriginal blood in them. Canada was young & our records are incomplete.

The Abbotsford School District receives extra money from the provincial government to help First Nations students. Therefore, teachers are eager to find First Nations students. Suddenly children of divorce are taken out of school to the First Nations elders, even if Dad lives across the street from the school. The First Nations elders teach the child to fish, but Dad is alienated.

As a society, we have created nearly insurmontable barriers that prevent fathers from being involved in the lives of their children and their families.