Broken School Communications

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Aligning Parents Target Schools

The Municipal Elections: No Change

On Jill Egizii's Parental Alienation Radio podcast this month the point was made by dad and lawyer, Brian Ludmer, that the most common trait to all aligning parents is that they want to be the only contact name on the school records. I didn't have to listen to this radio broadcast twice to jump out of my seat at finally hearing some expert say it out loud.

Here in British Columbia, last September it took months to get students registered for school (K-12) because of our broken school database, called BCeSIS, which probably stands for something like British Columbia electronic School Information System. At any rate, teachers say this software is slow and doesn't allow schools to add or update student information, which is the whole purpose of the software. When you add to this software malfunction, the fact that the 80% of divorced parents are actively trying to conceal student information, you end up with a recipe for child abuse. Until now I believed the parental alienation incidence rate was 25%, but Brian points out that Dr. Amy Baker has set the incidence rate at 80%. I also found an article by the American Bar Association that also sets the prevalence rate at 80%. Aligning parents don't believe they are abusing if they simply forget to mention to school staff that they are divorced, they can claim they didn't think it was important, or the other parent can mention it if they want.

In the first article about Jill and Brian's broadcast, entitled Too Much Discussion To Be Unaware, I have already mentioned Brian's list of possible motivators, causing a parent to alienate a child even with all of the information out there about how damaging it is to children. At first only female parents aligned their children against their own family, then the problem grew until half aligning parents were male. Now we are starting to see other adults join in this abuse. I believe that teaching is an honourable profession and teachers are motivated to stand up for children. I hope we are going to see BC teachers actively fighting to save Middle school children from this growing epidemic that hurts kids in so many ways - and in some ways doctors probably don't even know about yet. Our Education Minister, George Abbott, expects schools to receive new database software by 2014. By then, we will have had two years with our new parent communication technologies and hopefully all divorced parents in Abbotsford will be receiving report cards by email and automated daily attendance reports by telephone. Because teachers care about children, they need to protect our schools and our future by protecting the parent-child relationship.

Last year 22 nations participated in the 6th Annual International Parental Alienation & Bubbles of Love Day. Only 86 days left till the 7th Annual International Parental Alienation Event.

A List of Parental Alienation Experts

This is Dr. Richard Gardner and Vancouver dad and lawyer, Carey Linde, working on an old parental alienation case. Dr. Gardner was a respected scientist and history has upheld his legacy.

Dr. Kathleen Reay is a respected parental alienation expert, working out of Penticton, British Columbia. She is a clinician, researcher, child custody evaluator, litigation-related PA/PAS expert, speaker and author of Toxic Divorce: A Workbook for Alienated Parents. Dr. Reay consults with parents, grandparents, step-parents, mental health professionals and legal professionals globally. She is the Founder and Director of the International Institute for Parental Alienation Studies, Vancouver, B.C.

I first heard Brian on Jill Egizii's radio show. 

Here's Mr. Ludmer's credentials: 

Brian Ludmer, B. Comm., LLB.,

Barrister & Solicitor, Toronto, Ont.

PAS Legal Expert & North American PAS Legal Consultant

Jill Egizii is an alienated mom and an author, working out of Leland Grove, Illinois, USA. Judge Michele F. Lowrance has spent 20 years as a domestic-relations lawyer and has been a domestic-relations judge in the Circuit Court of Cook County, and is the author of the Good Karma Divorce.

Dr. Warshak is a psychologist and author of Divorce Poison: How To Protect Your Family From Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing, now in its 24th printing, and co-author of the critically acclaimed DVD for children and parents, Welcome Back, Pluto: Understanding, Preventing, and Overcoming Parental Alienation.

Dr. Joshua Coleman is Co-Chair of the Council on Contemporary Families and is a psychologist with a private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area.




This page is under development, and there are many other names to add, but here is the list of other famous names from the Conference video. Dr. Michael Bone has sent me a few pages that were very helpful. Many of the other doctors quote Amy J.L. Baker's work among other game-changers.

1. Demosthenes Lorandos
2. Pamela Richardson
3. Amy J.L. Baker
4. J. Michael Bone
5. Jane Major
6. Richard Sauber
7. Terence Campbell
8. Douglas Darnell
9. Dr. Glenn Ross Caddy
10. Abraham Worenklein
11. Gene Colman
12. Anne-France Goldwater
13. Pamela Stuart-Mills Hoch
14. Bob Hoch
15. David L. Levy
16. Michael Gough
17. C. Gwendolyn Landolt
18. Susan Cook
19. Dr. Marty McKay
20. Godfrey T.A. Turnbull
21. Bob Finlay

80% Incidence Rate of Parental Alienation

Both Amy J.L. Baker  & the American Bar Ass. set PA incidence rate at 80%

 Click highlighted text to enlarge.

Jill Egizii Jan 25, 2012

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Too Much Discussion To Be Unaware

Never, never, never give up!

On Jill Egizii's Parental Alienation Radio podcast this month the question was asked, "What is it that causes a parent to alienate a child with all of the information out there about how damaging it is to children?" Toronto divorced dad and lawyer, Brian Ludmer, says adults who align children against their own family are driven by different things. When you go to court, try to find out what is making your co-parent want to align your children. Whatever the cause, they are being driven by forces that are probably not amenable to moral persuasion or education. There is so much material out there in every country around the world, that it is getting tougher and tougher for anyone to say they were unaware - but that doesn't mean they will stop. They really only understand the use of power.

Here are Brian's five possible motivators for alienators. They're afraid of sharing the children. Maybe they're just out and out angry. Maybe they want child support and a preponderance of parenting time. Maybe they get married and give the kids to the new step-parent. They probably view the targeted parent as a danger to them and they are unable to see the children as anything but an extension of themselves, therefore the targeted parent must be a danger to their children. They have a poor view of the targeted parent and are protecting their children. They often have their own reality, that we can't reach.

Brian gave incredible advice about parental alienation. If you are a targeted parent, you will find hope and legal advice by listening to the radio show linked at the bottom of this post. Here are my three favorite tidbits. There are 5-10 major developmental tasks of a child that are not happening in this state of parental alienation. If there was bonding between 3-7 years, then there still is bonding, but they're confused, and trapped. You can still reach them. They're conflicted, and not acting rationally, but the love is not gone. These children are being ripped apart and do not have a healthy future.

Professor Ed Kruk of the University of British Columbia has found the minimum parenting time required to prevent marginalization to be forty percent! These are lifetime memories that the alienating parent is conspiring to take away from their child.

The best thing you can do is reconnect with your children. The worst thing that can happen is you never try.

www.blogtalkradio.com

Last year 22 nations participated in the 6th Annual International Parental Alienation & Bubbles of Love Day. Only 89 days left till the 7th Annual International Parental Alienation Event.

It's A Sham

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Forget Family Court, If You Can

Dads can't fly & Family Law can't be reformed.  

Here's a novel idea. Is B.C.'s new Family Law Act a sham? Haven't we been trying to reform Canadian family law since 1998 now? In both Canada and the U.S. we have seen powerful forces come out to fight against family law reform.

In the U.S., the bar associations of all 50 states have lobbied against family law reform because it will decrease lawyer's pay cheques - possibly considerable. In Canada, B.C. is the only province to even talk about the problem, but passes a law that changes nothing. There are no parent coordinators yet, and most Canadians have never heard the term. Many laws surrounding family law, like the School Act have changed, but even though everyone is talking about education, no one is talking about how schools characterize and exclude parents. I tried to learn more about Parent Coordinators for this article, and this was the response:

Thank you for your interest in the BC Parenting Coordinators Roster Society. A member of the Board of Directors will respond to your question or concern within 5 business days. - BC PARENTING COORDINATOR ROSTER SOCIETY www.bcparentingcoordinators.com

Mr. Pedersen, Both parties are required to sign a contract of engagement for a Parenting Coordinator. You will be able to find a Parenting Coordinator who is accepting cases now. The Contract will require both parties to provide retainers generally of $4000 each. Robert Colby R. Psych

Do feminists fight against family law reform? Well, in the U.S. the National Organization of Women(NOW) for years argued that parental alienation was junk science, and something men created to get out of paying child support. But recently, with women being the targets of parental alienation in almost half the cases, some women's groups have joined with men's groups to fight against this huge problem. Under harsh criticism for denigrating boys, women's groups have also joined with men's groups to protect boys from the stereotype of violent brutish men. While the family court system in general is biased against fathers, there are fathers who have learned how to work the system against mothers, and use it to their unjust advantage. When this occurs, men's groups are on the side of the mother whose loving bonds with her children are being endangered. Finally, many individual women have realized that children really do need their fathers for healthy development and are starting to avoid the corrupt family court all together, where we all expect children will be harmed greatly for some years to come yet.

Having lawyers who know how to heal children from parental alienation but refuse to do it because it might mean the end of courthouses, is like having doctors who know how to heal children from cancer but refuse to do so, because it might mean the end of hospitals. Does that sound like a sham to you?

Last year 22 nations participated in the 6th Annual International Parental Alienation & Bubbles of Love Day. Only 89 days left till the 7th Annual International Parental Alienation Awareness Day.

Why Joint Custody's So Popular

Why Have Families Changed?

Why are countries all around the world changing their approach to family? Why is joint custody becoming so popular? Actually, custody is such an inflammatory term - mediators rarely use it - so we won't either. Shared parenting time can take many forms, from summers at father's and the school year with mother, to switching homes every other day. Children have two primary residences, even if time in each is not equal. Guardianship, outside the scope of this article, refers to the shared responsibility, regardless of where the children are living, for making major decisions about a child's welfare including education, health care, and religious upbringing. Up until recently divorcing couples frequently shared guardianship without sharing parenting time. So why all the Dad time?

Roz Zinner, an American divorce mediator says, one positive reason is that women and men are realizing more the importance of fathers to children, and more men want to have a primary role in their lives. Many fathers are no longer content to be the biweekly visitor while Mom retains sole custody. As traditional marital roles shift, our concepts of the best way to parent children after divorce change also.

Another reason for the increase in popularity relates to the increase in mothers who must work full-time. Solo parenting becomes quite difficult for a mother with a demanding full-time job, especially one with overtime or a commute. Many couples, whose pre-separation lives were already stretched thin, find they must cooperate and juggle time to manage the childcare needs of their children.

In some cases, the choice of shared care is a means for avoiding a prolonged, bitter custody battle unlikely to yield any real winners. Because of the very nature of the adversarial process, conflict is often exacerbated and communication breaks down. Judges attempt to rule in favor of what is in the best interests of the child, and when there are two competent parents, this is an obvious solution.

Living in both households allows children to maintain a strong relationship with both parents. Research shows that half of all children in shared care arrangements see both parents weekly, but only about 1 in 10 children of other types of parenting agreements see their non-custodial parent that often.

All around the world families have changed for some practical reasons, but best of all, parents have changed for the sake of their children.

Last year 22 Nations participated in the 6th Annual Parental Alienation Awareness & Bubbles Of Love Day. Only 89 days left till The 7th Annual International Parental Alienation Awareness Day.

Something Else To Talk About

How Growing Up Changed

Last week we were talking about role models for kids and about schools. These two ideas come together in Chapter 6: Setting an Example of Judith Wallerstein's book, The Unexpected Legagcy Of Divorce. It talks about how the children of divorce in the study were survivors, who often had to raise themselves. Many found loving partners and became successful, protective parents. By comparison, adults raised in intact families have been to "marriage school" alongside their academic learning. By the time they reach adulthood, they figure they're as prepared as they will ever be to build their own family.

Twenty-five years ago, Judith Wallerstein began talking to a group of 131 children whose parents were all going through a divorce. She asked them to tell her about the intimate details of their lives, which they did with remarkable candor. Having earned their trust, Wallerstein was rewarded with a deeply moving portrait of each of their lives as she followed them from childhood, through their adolescent struggles, and into adulthood. Wallerstein offers us the only close-up study of divorce ever conducted--a unique report that will change our fundamental beliefs about divorce and offer new hope for the future.

The world is changing quickly and we are trying to educate our children about families and work lives that even next week may be a little different than now.

Wallerstein's claim that children experience divorce very differently than adults, fits well with the discussion about listening to children's views, giving them a sense of control and of being part of our community. It also fits well with Dr. Gordon Neufeld's call for youth, who are often focused on peers, to find broader sources of not only information, but contact, security and warmth. This is not only a reasonable thing to say to our youth, it's exciting! And you can see Abbotsford teachers preparing to spread the word. Countries all around the world are changing their approach to education and family.

Only 90 days left till International Parental Alienation Awareness Day.

Something To Talk About

Healthy School Communities

Here's something to talk about with your child or with another parent: If we gave our children permission to run our schools healthcare programs, do you think they would volunteer to discard both their parents? Would they throw away even one loving and responsible parent? Would they exclude all fathers the way that Abbotsford Family Court judges often do daily?

I got these children's health ideas from Dr. Lawrence St. Leger, who is a Honorary Professor of Deakin University School of Health and Social Development in Australia. When this Professor started encouraging leadership skills in Grade 6 and 7 students at Albert McMann Elementary, it increased their feelings of well-being and self-confidence. He quotes a study about this concept titled "Locus of Control at Age 10 Years and Health Outcomes and Behaviours at Age 30 years," which sounds like an amazing longitudinal study. These young children were given a questionairre to assess how much control they had over their lives and then were re-surveyed 20 years later, at age 30.

This study showed that the more control we have as children, the better our health as adults. They rated their overall health as better, were less likely to be overweight or obese, and less likely to be psychologically stressed. This is no surprise to doctors who know that the more control we have over our lives as adults, the better our health. We exercise more, get medical checkups more often, eat a better diet, and this all translates to less heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and less psychological illness. What this study suggests is if these character traits persist through childhood, they also continue through adulthood for a healthy adulthood.

So the work Albert McMann Elementary is doing is terrific! The more we can give kids control over their lives - the evidence is now overwhelming - the better their health will be.

Healthy school communities are all about working with kids where they have some sense of ownership and sense of control about what goes on in the community.

Only 91 days left till International Parental Alienation Awareness Day.

Children's Health Initiative

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Stressed Children in Alienated Families.

Acute Stress Response [1920]

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If, as we talked about yesterday, parental alienation is so difficult for adults that we need to run stress management courses for parents, how does it hurt children? Well, in many of the same debilitating ways except children have less experience to rely on, when trying to interpret events. The effects of stress on children are the same as for adults, but children whose parents are locked in battle often hide their feelings from both parents. It helps kids to heal from alienation if they can find a safe harbor where they can express feelings and learn how to love both parents despite pressures to align one against the other.

After being attacked and stabbed, Austrian empress Elisabeth of Bavaria boarded a ship, unaware of the severity of her condition as a consequence of an acute stress reaction. Bleeding to death from a puncture wound to the heart, Elisabeth's last words were, "What happened to me?"

""Acute stress response" was first described by Walter Cannon in the 1920s as a psychological condition arising in response to a terrifying or traumatic event. This condition is also the first stage of the fight or flight response. Since most divorces do not meet this criteria for a sudden murderous event, we needed a different name for the grinding stress that children of divorce experience in parental alienation. According to the social worker and blogger, Monika Logan, citing Dr. Richard Warshak, the frequent stress related diagnosis for children is Adjustment Disorder. The stressors that cause adjustment disorders may be relatively minor, like loss of a girlfriend/boyfriend, a poor report card, or moving to a new neighborhood. It is thought that the more chronic or recurrent the stressor, the more likely it is to produce a disorder. The objective nature of the stressor, however, is of secondary importance. Stressors' most crucial link to their pathogenic potential is their perception by the teen as stressful. Henriksson et al. (2005) states statistically that the stressors are one half related to parental issues and one third to peer issues. The presence of a causal stressor is essential before a diagnosis of Adjustment Disorder can be made.

...stress is inevitable when you’re being asked to discard a parent you love very much. Having the ability to rise above this stress first requires a greater understanding of the nature of stress.

Physical and social changes during adolescence often create more stress than at any other time in life, but living in a divorced family doesn't have to add this stress. As the above video says, if you have even one minute there's something you can do about it.

"It means your future hasn't been written yet. No one's has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one." - Doctor Emmett Brown, Back To The Future Part III

Only 92 days left till International Parental Alienation Awareness Day

Parent's Health Initiative - Stress

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Health Initiative For Alienated Families.

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Toxic Divorce Workbook Excerpt

Yesterday, I talked about how taking care of our mental health is a part of our general healthcare and how it is connected to our parenting. In the afternoon, I received this wonderful attached letter from Dr. Kathleen about stress and parenting, which I think fits well with our discussion. A big thank you to Dr. Kathleen.

If you do a Google search for images of stress response you will get 40 Million hits. There are almost as many people writing and talking about stress as there are talking about parental alienation. I was one of those writers because I was allowed to do a stress project in college. The graphic below is titled Short Term Stress, which highlights an important point. A crisis by definition only lasts three days but up until now parental alienation has been lasting 30 years and beyond. Many doctors have compared the grinding stress of parental alienation to a death in the family, except without the funeral - there is no closure - parents return to worry and wonder how their estranged adult children are coping for decades.

In my stress project I concluded that the two best treatments for stress where a hot beverage or a hot bath, along with the general healthcare points mentioned yesterday, of physical exams, proper nutrition, keeping physically active, and involved in your community. For fathers, women are a great resource. Women have already worked through many parenting and divorce issues, like which grocery store has the cheapest meat, or groceries. Or the three cleaning products that will let you clean any house. Or how to lease a car, instead of buying it outright. (Parents should remember that a leased car is owned by the manufacturer, not you, and cannot be claimed in divorce). Or how to get your son to quit crawling out of his crib after bedtime.

I think Dr. Kathleen would say that education is a good treatment for stress. In the first paragraph of chapter 15 she says,

...stress is inevitable when you’re being alienated by your former spouse and family. Having the ability to rise above this stress first requires a greater understanding of the nature of stress.

When family matters get really crazy, and stress builds up, some find it hard to eat or sleep. This leads to a downward spiral, of greater and greater stress. Other problems, besides insomnia, may develop. Abbotsford Community Services has amazing programs in many areas including parenting, reconnecting with your kids, anger management, substance abuse services, legal aid for non-matrimonial matters, and are able to direct you to other programs that may help. Dads are starting to form resource groups just like women did long ago. Ask Community Services if AbbyDads has any current programs running. Think about good things, like the many encouraging treatments to help children that doctors, like Dr. Reay, are working on around the world, and have a relaxing Sunday.

Only 93 days left till International Parental Alienation Awareness Day

Parent's Health Initiative

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

A Health Initiative For Moms and Dads.

L'Initiative sur la santé des parents

There's been lots of talk about health initiatives lately, and parental alienation certainly is a health crisis, deserving action. There are three main areas of men's health, and these generalize fairly well to all parents. First, moms and dads are having children later in life and cancer rates grow higher, as we grow older. We need to be keeping an eye out for Cancer and early signs of heart disease, as these are the big killers of all of us, especially men, who are notorious for "sucking it up" and neglecting their health care.

In the graph below, the pharmacists' initial screening determined that most of the men in the study neglected their health care. Of the men who remembered the date of their last physical examination, 206 were overdue for their next one by 1 month to

22.6 years (Figure 2). Fifty-six (15%) men could not remember when they last had a physical examination. If the men were unable to remember the date, it was assumed they were overdue for a physical examination. When the men who could not remember were included, 69% of the men were overdue for a physical examination.

Second, it's important for parents to maintain a proper diet and remain active. For some, well for all of us really, grocery shopping is a challenge. We need nutritious foods that kids can eat safely, sometimes on their own, until we get home from work at 6 or 7pm. We're not just eating properly to save our own lives. Despite what your teenagers will tell you, parents have an incredible effect on their children and they want to eat what we eat. Try to sit down to eat together as often as you can, or at least once per week, so they can see what you eat.

The third component of men's health, which generalizes well to all parents, but is also tragically neglected, is mental health. In Canada, ten men and one woman commit suicide each year in the middle of a high conflict divorce. The first thing that families need is - peace. When judges know that the usual cause of divorce is shaky mental health it is unethical to incite conflict. There needs to be a committment from Family Court judges to stop stirring families up to fight, just so the judge can claim an appearance fee. Abbotsford has a few Divorce Care programs, which are really a type of peer support group. Many parents find this support helpful.

Before the weekend, I talked about parents being role models for their children. I think these are three healthy actions we could all take. Show up for our physical exams. Sit down to dinner with our family. Cultivate one adult friendship and a community activity.

Only 94 days left till International Parental Alienation Awareness Day

L'Initiative sur la santé des parents

Un papa d'Abbotsford, en Colombie Britannique, Canada

Une initiative de santé pour les mamans et les papas.

(Cliquez sur Retour pour l'anglais.)

Il ya eu beaucoup de discussions sur les initiatives de santé dernièrement, et l'aliénation parentale est certainement une crise de santé, qui méritent d'action. Il ya trois principaux domaines de la santé des hommes, et ces généralisations assez bien à tous les parents. Tout d'abord, les mamans et les papas ont des enfants plus tard dans la vie et les taux de cancer plus élevés poussent, pendant que nous vieillissons. Nous devons être en gardant un œil sur le cancer et les premiers signes de maladie du cœur, car elles sont les plus meurtrières de nous tous, surtout les hommes, qui sont connus pour «le sucer jusqu'à" et négliger leurs soins de santé.

Dans le graphique ci-dessous, le dépistage des pharmaciens initiale a déterminé que la plupart des hommes dans l'étude néglige leurs soins de santé. Parmi les hommes qui se souvenaient de la date de leur examen physique derniers, 206 étaient en retard pour leurs prochains par un mois de 22,6 ans (figure 2).

Cinquante-six (15%) des hommes ne pouvait se rappeler lors de leur dernière a eu un examen physique. Si les hommes étaient incapables de se rappeler la date, on a supposé qu'ils étaient en retard pour un examen physique. Lorsque les hommes qui ne se souvenait pas été inclus, 69% des hommes étaient en retard pour un examen physique.

Deuxièmement, il est important pour les parents afin de maintenir une bonne alimentation et demeurent actifs. Pour certains, bien pour nous tous vraiment, épicerie est un défi. Nous avons besoin d'aliments nutritifs que les enfants peuvent manger en toute sécurité, parfois par leurs propres moyens, jusqu'à ce que nous rentrez du travail à 6 ou 19 heures. Nous ne sommes pas seulement manger correctement pour sauver nos propres vies. Malgré ce que vos ados vous le diront, les parents ont un effet incroyable sur leurs enfants et qu'ils veulent manger ce que nous mangeons. Essayez de vous asseoir pour manger ensemble aussi souvent que vous le pouvez, ou au moins une fois par semaine, afin qu'ils puissent voir ce que vous mangez.

Le troisième volet de la santé des hommes, qui généralise ainsi à tous les parents, mais il est aussi tragiquement négligé, est la santé mentale. Au Canada, dix hommes et une femme se suicident chaque année dans le milieu d'un divorce très conflictuels. La première chose que les familles ont besoin est - la paix. Lorsque les juges savent que la cause habituelle de divorce est fragile santé mentale, il est immoral de provoquer des conflits. Il doit y avoir un engagement de juges de la Cour de famille pour arrêter des familles en remuant jusqu'à se battre, juste pour que le juge peut demander un frais de l'apparence. Abbotsford a quelques programmes de soins de divorce, qui sont vraiment un type de groupe de soutien par les pairs. Beaucoup de parents trouvent ce soutien utile.

Avant le week-end, j'ai parlé aux parents d'être des modèles pour leurs enfants. Je pense que ces trois actions saines que nous pourrions tous prendre. Présentez-vous à nos examens physiques. Asseyez-vous à dîner avec notre famille. Cultiver une amitié pour adultes et une activité communautaire.

Seuls les 94 jours restant avant la Journée internationale de sensibilisation à l'aliénation parentale

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Dad's Letter From Italy.

Only 95 days left till International Parental Alienation Awareness Day

Dads Letter From Italy in French

Dads Letter From Italy in English

This is a wonderful message that I am excited to share with everyone from an Italian website. The headline translates to "The family will have tomorrow, if today will be given the opportunity to grow in consciousness." On any Windows computer, I can Right Click and translate from any language to English or at least so far from French and Italian. In the last paragraph, the Italians make 5 recommendations for strengthening divorced families, which are the majority of us. I will try my best to list them.

First, we should make a declaration that children of divorce or separation have the right to two parents. Second, the family has changed dramatically over the last 50 years, or at least since the advent of divorce in 1970. Laws need to be reviewed, having foresight and sensitivity to understand the true meaning of family today. Third, schools need to introduce the Culture Bigenitoriale, promoting this ethical message and protecting the parent-child relationship. Fourth, and this is difficult but essential: all parties must take up this ethical responsibility, Judges, lawyers, and teachers (I may have missed a few in this list, but I've mentioned them in other posts) to not profit from divorce and to create conditions for the attendance by children to both their parent's homes, with deterrence for those who obstruct the association with the other parent. Fifth, introduce pre-nuptial agreements, so there is a functional awareness of the mutual obligations to care for children and to plan to parent.

Yesterday, I talked about parents being role models for their children. I think these Italian parents are being role models for all of us. Like teachers, dads are not broken or failing; fathers are striving and evolving. We need to change the way we talk about parents.

Just A Dad From Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada

Dads: Society's New Role Models

Only 96 days left till International Parental Alienation Awareness Day

Divorced Dads Need To Be Society's New Role Models in French

Divorced Dads Need To Be Society's New Role Models in English

This is a wonderful message that I am excited to share with everyone from a Lawyer's website. It is a known fact that, in a child’s development, role models are everything. Not only do male children need a strong male role model, but girls do as well. Studies show if a boy doesn’t bond with his father at around 9 or 10 years of age, he will have trouble individuating as a teen from his lack of positive male role modeling.

Even though the stay-at-home-dads issue is not exactly the issue at hand, it does provide a brief look through the window of a changing society where more dads than ever are staying home to raise their children, while their wives are becoming breadwinners. With little support or role modeling, dads are successfully raising their children.

There are 97 days left to Awareness Day!

Les Roles Des Parents * The Parental Roles

BC's Education Plan Translated in 13 Languages

Traduire Plan d'éducation en C-B en francais

One source (a teacher or a school) will no longer be responsible for the big picture of a student’s education. It is the parent who will be responsible for over viewing, orchestrating and monitoring their child’s educational career.

The roles of the parent are to be available, especially after school and on week-ends and during emergencies. Parents also provide food, shelter, security, and a role model. Because teachers of young children worry about all these details during weekdays, they sometimes call themselves surrogate parents - a title often allowed by grateful true parents. Another role of true parents is to provide oversight of these teachers or surrogate parents. School planning committees and parent advisory committees are required by law. In most Abbotsford schools these meetings are poorly attended, perhaps because teachers do excellent work and parents have few concerns. Some parents say the meetings are boring. Some say they do not feel welcome. Traditional schools are the exception, with parent-teacher meetings sometimes moving to gymnasiums to accomodate the larger numbers of parents. At any rate, the education of children is a big issue in the life of any mother or father, and like teachers, parents certainly need and deserve support in carrying out these challenging multiple parental roles.

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Les rôles des parents doivent être disponibles, en particulier après l'école et les week-ends et pendant les urgences. Les parents ont également fournir de la nourriture, le logement, la sécurité, et un modèle. Parce que les enseignants de jeunes enfants se soucier de tous ces détails pendant la semaine, ils appellent parfois eux-mêmes parents de substitution - un titre souvent permis par reconnaissants vrais parents. Un autre rôle des parents vrai est d'assurer la surveillance de ces enseignants ou parents de substitution. Comités de planification scolaire et de comités consultatifs de parents sont tenus par la loi. Dans la plupart des écoles d'Abbotsford ces réunions sont peu fréquentées, peut-être parce que les enseignants font un excellent travail et les parents ont peu d'inquiétudes. Certains parents disent les réunions sont ennuyeuses. Certains disent qu'ils ne se sentent pas les bienvenus. Les écoles traditionnelles sont l'exception, avec réunions parents-enseignants, parfois de passer à des gymnases pour accueillir le nombre croissant de parents. En tout cas, l'éducation des enfants est un gros problème dans la vie d'une mère ou un père, et comme les enseignants, les parents ont certainement besoin et qu'ils méritent un soutien dans la réalisation de ces défis multiples rôles parentaux.

Faire Passer Le Message * Getting The Message Out

Au Canada Nous Sommes Tous Cœur De Bois * In Canada We Are All Métis

Une Histoire de Kidnapping Accidentel * The Accidental Kidnapping

Il est impossible de dire qui est métis, à moins que vous arrivés de France aujourd'hui. Beaucoup, et l'on dit, tous les Canadiens ont un peu de sang autochtone en eux. Le Canada a été jeune et nos registres sont incomplets.

Le district scolaire d'Abbotsford gagne de l'argent supplémentaire par le gouvernement provincial pour aider les étudiants des Premières Nations. Par conséquent, les enseignants sont désireux de trouver des étudiants des Premières nations. Soudain, les enfants du divorce sont sortis de l'école pour les anciens des Premières Nations, même si leur vrai père habite juste à côté. Les anciens des Premières Nations enseignent à l'enfant pecher, mais le vrai père n'autorise pas à enseigner à son propre enfant.

Comme société, nous avons construit des barrières insurmontables qui empêchent les pères de s'impliquer dans la vie de leurs enfants et leurs familles.
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(and again in English)

It is impossible to tell which Canadians are Metis, unless you just arrived from France today. Many, and some say, all Canadians have some aboriginal blood in them. Canada was young & our records are incomplete.

The Abbotsford School District receives extra money from the provincial government to help First Nations students. Therefore, teachers are eager to find First Nations students. Suddenly children of divorce are taken out of school to the First Nations elders, even if Dad lives across the street from the school. The First Nations elders teach the child to fish, but Dad is alienated.

As a society, we have created nearly insurmontable barriers that prevent fathers from being involved in the lives of their children and their families.

Fathers: The Greatest Untapped Resource in Lives of Aboriginal Children

The story of Pat Marr and his daughter Shenisa

The Current and a live audience gathered at the Yukon Arts Centre for a special town hall called: Fathers without Fathers - Aboriginal men in Canada. It was a program to discuss Aboriginal fathers - a demographic that has been called the greatest untapped resource in the lives of aboriginal children. That quote, comes from Ed John, Grand Chief of the First Nations Summit in British Columbia. Our producer in Halifax, Mary Lynk shares the story of Pat Marr and his daughter, Shenisa from the Indian Brook First Nation in central Nova Scotia.

Blogger.com Help Service says that Blogger does not support audio files yet. Here is the the raw URL for the audio to this episode of The Current:
http://www.cbc.ca/video/news/audioplayer.html?clipid=2186270549

Jessica Ball says both aboriginals & non_aboriginals need to get together on the reconciliation work needed to heal from the residential schools. The Prime Minister says the government recognizes the damage that was done by the inability to parent & the inability for people to raise their own children.